I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
