yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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