We won't sleep together?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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