he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
