How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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