you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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