For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
