It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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