get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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