fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
