I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
