You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The adults are the big ones right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
