dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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