I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
