i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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