Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
