I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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