whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
