I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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