I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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Send help, water and tortillas.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.