Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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