Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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