Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
