This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
