thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
