I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
