you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have tasted many bathrooms
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
