Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
