I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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