he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
do nipples grow back?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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