Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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