I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
