Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
