This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
