Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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