ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
