Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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