Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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