You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
