Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
