so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
