i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
