went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
