so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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