nut hugger
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
