I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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