I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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