So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
