So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
