Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
