Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
