just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
