I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am available for nakedness
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
