Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
