I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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