yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
