just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
