we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
